Your Own Best Counselor is You
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Have you ever noticed a strange thing we do? When a friend comes to us with a problem, the path forward often seems perfectly clear. We see the situation from a distance, and with calm objectivity, we offer advice.
But when the very same problem happens to us, that clarity vanishes. We’re lost in a fog of emotion and uncertainty. Suddenly, we are the ones seeking advice from others.
Why is there this disconnect? When it’s someone else’s issue, we are observers. When it’s our own, we are participants. But what if you could be both at the same time? What if you could create a duality within yourself?
Creating Your Inner Observer
The practice is simple, but not easy. It involves creating a “second self”—a detached, wise observer who can watch you navigate life without getting swept up in the immediate emotion.
I learned something like this during Vipassana meditation. You learn to observe your own thoughts and feelings as they arise and pass away, without becoming them. You realize you are not your anger, you are the one watching the anger. You are not your sadness, you are the one aware of the sadness.
This observer is your inner counselor. It’s the part of you that has all the wisdom you so freely give to others.
How to Be Your Own Advisor
When you feel overwhelmed or lost, instead of immediately seeking external advice, try this:
Step Back: Create a little space between you and the problem. Take a few breaths.
Frame it as a Friend’s Problem: Ask yourself, “If my closest friend came to me with this exact situation, what would I tell them?”
Instantly, the wise, compassionate, and objective part of you will surface. The advice that emerges is often calm, clear, and exactly what you need to hear. You can be sad when you know the truth; you don’t need to be sad at the beginning based on a story you tell yourself. You can be angry when you confirm the facts; you don’t need to be angry based on an assumption.
When you counsel yourself, you give yourself the gift of your own wisdom, free from the distortions of panic and ego.
This practice also changes how you interact with others. Once you recognize that everyone has their own inner counselor, the impulse to immediately give advice fades. You realize it is often better to simply listen and trust that they, too, can find their own way. You can’t live their life for them, just as they can’t live yours. We must each walk our own path, but with this duality, we never have to walk it alone.