On Forgiveness
Published:
We are told to forgive. But what does that really mean? The popular view treats forgiveness as a weakness, an act of letting someone get away with a wrongdoing. This is a profound misunderstanding. Forgiveness is not weakness. It is power.
But before you can offer it to the world, you must first give it to yourself.
The First Person to Forgive is You
This is the most crucial step, and the one most people skip. We forgive others, we forget what they did, but we carry the weight of our own mistakes forever. We become our own harshest judges. But you cannot forgive the world if you live in a state of self-resentment. How can you offer compassion to others that you deny yourself?
If you want to be free, the work starts here. You must forgive yourself for not knowing then what you know now. Forgive your past self. They were doing the best they could with the understanding they had.
Don’t Take Anything Personally
When someone hurts you, it is almost never about you. Their actions are a reflection of their own stories, their own pain, and their own limitations. We label their actions as ‘wrong,’ but ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ are often just taglines, stories we tell ourselves. In reality, people are just people, doing the best they can.
So, do not fall into their trap. Do not let their inner world become your inner prison. Forgive them. You can be sad or angry when you confirm the truth; you don’t need to be that way from the beginning based on a story in your head. Simply decide not to carry their burden for them. This decision is an act of liberation.
The Power to Choose
When you haven’t forgiven yourself, you cannot truly forgive others. You will see their faults through the lens of your own self-judgment. Every mistake they make will echo a mistake of your own that you haven’t made peace with.
But when you practice self-forgiveness, everything changes. You understand that we are all flawed, all learning, all trying.
From this place, forgiveness is no longer a chore. It becomes a simple, powerful choice. It is the choice to release the past. It is the choice to take your power back. Forgiveness is a power, and you have to do it.